From Mozart To A Muppet

Have you ever seen the meme’s that show ‘What I think I look at doing this activity,’ ‘What I really look like doing this activity’? Good. That is what today’s post is all about, and it’s not pretty.

As you know, I wanted to learn a musical instrument this year. I chose piano for several reasons.

1) Guitars cramp my hands.

2) There’s a nice keyboard in the loft of where I’m living.

3) My roommate is giving me free lessons.

I had my first lesson last Sunday. I knew a little more than nothing, and was proud of myself for picking up some of the basics. I learned the C-Scale and was able to do it with both my left and right hand and together. I could do it before; however, my finger positioning was incorrect. That readjustment took some time, but I eventually got it. I was so proud. Not only did I think I mastered the first ditty, I got adventurous and tried to learn the second song on my own too. I practiced every single day last week. I had this piano thing in the bag.

Mozart

I was so confident at how good I was, I recorded myself playing one of the song and sent it to no fewer than four people. I didn’t truly think I was going to be the next Mozart, but I was convinced that this was going to be EASY like Sunday morning.

I had my second lesson earlier today. As I was walking up to the piano, I might have been strutting a little bit. I was oozing confidence. I played what I had learned last week with gusto. And my roommate’s first question was “So, how do you think you did there?” And my confidence fizzled out like helium from a balloon.

Well, it was time to get real. I truly thought I was doing going. (Not doing bad is not the same as doing good in case you wanted to know.) After being slapped with the humble stick, I thought. I knew deep down what the answer was—my timing. I was consistently ahead of the beat. I also would take my time during parts I wasn’t quite sure on, and sped through the stuff I had down pact.

We did some work with a metronome (first spelling: metro-gnome). I’m starting to understand (a tiny bit) what I need to do to improve. Fixing this now, in the beginning of my studies; however, will help me down the road, and that is important. I want to practice playing music, not practice problems.

We worked on some chords. There was a name for them, major triads? (maybe… I was listening, I swear!) This week I’m to work on the beginning parts of Wild Thing by The Troggs and at my request, the chords for New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift.

I tried my best to not let my eyes gloss over at some of the terminology. It is only week two after all, and I need to give myself a little grace in the learning process.

By the end of the session, I felt more like a Muppet than Mozart. Steve did mention that Animal was a bad ass, so I guess I have that going for me. (It’s irrelevant that Animal was the one playing the drums!) So now, I’m going to practice like no one else. It’s the only way I will improve. Mozart, here I come!

Can’t Stop Me

I’ve got to tell you friends, 2019 has been the best yet. Sure, my car is still sitting at the Metro Impound Lot waiting to be processed, but the initial police report is stating that it is undamaged. I am hopeful that I will hear back this coming week with a more solid time frame of release. As soon as we get the car back, my student loan is going to take a large hit (the total will be BELOW $30,000!) We are in the home stretch, and paying debt has never felt so good or been so motivating.

I was leery going into a living situation that involved a roommate, but I think Steve and I both agree that it has truly been a blessing. We have a nice sized bedroom with a perfect alcove that fits both my work and personal computers that I have simplistically decorated with twinkle lights. There are also books everywhere, which means it is perfect. Double vanity, Jacuzzi tub, and 10 foot walk in closet. We share the communal living spaces and the cleaning responsibilities. I take care of his dog while he is at work in exchange for piano lessons.

If you’ll remember way back to the beginning of this month, one of my goals for the year was to learn piano. I had my first lesson last Sunday and I will have my next tomorrow. I have also managed to practice for at least 30 minutes every day. I have only really been working on the C-Scale and a simple tune, but I am getting close to perfecting the next song in my piano book, because I am an over achiever.

For a moment I let doubt creep in, telling myself I’m too old to learn an instrument. Well, that’s a load of crap. Will it take me longer than if I started as a kid? Yeah, most definitely; however, that just means that I need to work a little harder, and over the years, my dedication to what I believe in shows in my work.

That was just one goal on my list. From yesterday’s post, I am now up to six books read this year thus far and passionately on the right path there. But what about my other goals?

https://esquescript.com

This afternoon, I got in touch with Molly Margaret from https://esquescript.com and signed up for a Brush Lettering class one Saturday in February! There is still room if anyone in the Nashville area wants to learn a dying art (all supplies are included for the brush lettering class!). I took one after school calligraphy class when I was in elementary school and I am so excited to finally get back to this.

Also, on Monday 07 January 2019 I transferred out of the department I worked in for more than four years and took up another job within my company. It is nothing like what I know, and my first week of training has been overwhelming.

When I first started with this company I thought that they had made a mistake hiring me. Nothing made sense and I was filled with dread. I didn’t know what to do. It didn’t take long for those feelings to come back as I finished up my week one training.

Granted, week one is general new hire orientation giving you a brief overview of the company and an idea about what your job entails. However, it doesn’t go into depth as to my day to day job. That training starts next week. I had to talk myself down out of a brief panic. I took some time to do some deep breathing and chose to let the stress and worry go.

The energy from the new team is really great. I love my managers involvement. She is so very supportive and wants to see everyone succeed. She knows that I eventually want to get into coding, and she is already recommending me free classes I can take within the company and has guided me down the best path of how to obtain my certificate. Having a leader that wants to mentor you and see you succeed is a new change for me and I am very thankful for it. I want to make her proud.

Mentor and related words pinned on cork board.

With the projections of paying off debt this year, finally putting money toward our retirement, and saving up for (if not going) England this year. My relationship with my husband has never been stronger. We are unstoppable when we are together. I love sharing this life adventure with him more than anything. I love you, Stevie.

I Like Big Books, I Cannot Lie

In 2018, I participated in the Good Reads reading challenge. It was my aim to read two books a month every month and by New Years Eve 2018, I would have read 24 books. As some of you know, last year I crushed that goal and ended up finishing the year at 65 books read.

I was really strong in the beginning of the year and then from September through November, I did not read a single book. There was a lot going on in our lives during those months. We were both working two jobs steadily, and we were faced with decluttering our lives and moving in November.

I made a huge push for the final couple weeks of December and got my momentum back.

I spent some time discussing it with friends and contemplating on whether or not I wanted to do a reading challenge for 2019. It did not take me long to decide that the answer was an absolute yes. Trying to pinpoint where I wanted to place my goal this year was a little more difficult.

With a fairly long inner monologue, I settled upon 52 books for the Good Reads 2019 reading challenge; however, I have a not so secret goal of reaching 100 books read this year.

Why?

1) Because I want to challenge myself. I never want to get too comfortable. I want to push myself to always improve.

2) But why 100?! The truth, is that I told myself years ago that I was going to do the 100 book challenge in a year and then stopped reading after 24 books. I went on to not read a single book for several years because I saw myself as a failure. How silly is that! How many people even read 24 books in a year? 10? 5? Yes, I failed the challenge, but no, I am not a failure.

3) So, with more confidence than ever this year, I’m going for that 100 mark. And I am pretty damn excited. I may not make it… but what if I do? That excites me.

The road so far…

We are now ten days into the new year, and I can happily report that I have already completed five novels and on top of that, I am part way through another five. Let’s do a quick review:

Read Books:

1) Love in the Afternoon by Lisa Kleypas. This was the final novel in the Hathaway series (5 books total) set in England. This novel focused on the youngest of the siblings, Beatrix. After allowing the book to settle in my mind, I think her book was my favorite. She was the most vibrant of the siblings with her love of animals and all things a proper lady shouldn’t like (or at least not discuss publicly). From innocence to deception, this book goes to show that everyone deserves love, and weird girls are more fun than what society produces.

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2-4) The first three novels of Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum novels. These were all light reads, full of mystery and humor. I spent the first many years of my life in New Jersey, and in an odd sort of way it felt like home.

5) The Good Daughter by Karin Slaughter. This is the first book that Alice and I read for our 2019 Badassery Book Club (BBC for short), and it was also my first Slaughter book. I had a hard time putting this book down. I found Slaughter’s method of building up this mystery and then dropping off to another character for a quarter of the book both frustrating and brilliant. Her work is dark, and brutal, but memorizing at the same time. I will definitely read more of her catalog in the future.

Currently Reading:

1) I’m listening to the audio book for Alice Feeney’s novel Sometimes I Lie. I’m about 65% of the way through, and I like it well enough. I’m pretty sure I’ve figured out the big mystery (which I’m not sure is very mysterious) so we shall see how it concludes. I do enjoy the time jumps between: then, now, and before.

2) Janet Evanovich’s 4^th Stephanie Plum novel. I could use a little more Grandma Mazur; however, I like the bounty search, Lula, and the predicaments that Stephanie gets herself into.

3) Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins. I am reading this book in 30 minute increments when I wake up in the morning several days a week. I’m about 50 pages in, and as you can tell from my previous posts, I’m definitely getting a lot out of this book. I want to always continue to improve myself, and part of the way I do that, is to really get to know myself. This book is helping.

4) England 8^th edition by Rick Steves. If you don’t know already, my husband and I are going to England either late this year or early next year and I want to read about all of the places to see and what to do so that I can plan our dream vacation. This is the other book I read a little bit before work a few times a week on days I don’t read Robbins stuff. Yes, these two books will take me at least 2 months to read, but I am enjoying them both tremendously.

5) Kushiel’s Dart by Jacqueline Carey. Some say you save the best for last. This 912 page book came recommended by my BBC partner in crime Alice, and I am devouring my first true TOR fantasy novel. After I got through the first 60 or so pages, I’ve really struggled to put it down. To say I’m blown away isn’t saying nearly enough.

I have several books in the wings just waiting to be read, and I have never been this excited to read in my life. Trying to balance reading with walking, rowing (machine, not actually on a boat), and learning piano has been a fun challenge.

What are your reading goals this year? What was the best book you read last year? Any recommendations?

Happy Reading!

What’s Your Reason?

Reflections on the beginning of chapter three of Awaken The Giant Within.

“Human beings are not random creatures; everything we do, we do for a reason.” – Tony Robbins

What is my reasoning for what I do and who I am?

I have always struggled at figuring out why I wanted something, or why I wanted to do something. My typical answer was “I just do.” Sure, it’s not very elaborate, more like the queen of being vague.

It took me a long time to figure this out, but I wouldn’t set standards for myself, because if I didn’t set any standards or goals for myself, then I wouldn’t have to worry about the disappointment, I wouldn’t have to feel guilt. I was taking the easy way out. I also wasn’t living to my fullest. For far to many years I told myself that just existing in this world was enough. Just existing is not enough.

Robbins says on page 53, “Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure.” I was living my life one sided. I avoided pain by numbing. I ate my emotions (the good and the bad) for decades. I spent more time playing computer games than sleeping or working for more than a decade. I let life move on without me so I could avoid the trauma from my childhood. I dug a proverbial hole so deep I had given myself no hope at climbing out of it.

I allowed the weight of my debt (mostly student loans) to consume most happiness in my life. I never felt as though I deserved to travel. My debt was suffocating.

It is easy to talk about this now because my past is no long an open wound. You cannot talk about these thing when you’re bleeding out. My past pains and choices are a part of me, but they are finally scars. I’ve been able to move on over the past couple of years.

When you try to change yourself, whether it be your person, environment, or situation, it is hard. I knew I wanted to change, but every time I tried, I was met with frustration and overwhelming doubt. I knew I wanted to change, but I couldn’t bring myself into action to change because the wound was still too fresh. I just couldn’t get myself to do it.

Robbins pinpointed where I was faltering: “There is one elementary reason: they keep trying to change their behavior, which is the effect, instead of dealing with the cause behind it.” I’m not going to lie, I was also procrastinating. I knew I should change (needed to change), because at some level, I believed that taking action in the moment was going to be more painful than just pulling it off (Robbins, 53).

That being said, I saw a therapist, I stopped (mostly) with self-hatred, and started setting standards for myself. Almost immediately I started seeing a change. I chose to take control of my life instead of allowing society to dictate what makes a woman beautiful, or smart, or funny. In May of 2018, I read the Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and my husband and I started turning our finances around. We took control of our financial future and are currently control our money instead of letting our money control us. And guess what? In less than six months, we will be debt free. I don’t know a lot of people that can say that.

“A man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.” – Seneca

So I’m not going to lie, I’m a worrier. I overthink, over-analyze, and over-plan about everything. As I continue to take control of more aspects of my life, I feel less anxious. I almost never (I cannot say never her) stress about money anymore, and it is a glorious feeling.

There are so many more aspects in my life that can be improved; however, my husband and I have created a very solid foundation for ourselves and I have found that it keeps getting easier to not only set goals, but accomplishing them. Why? Because I have powerful reason’s why.

Financial freedom.

Retirement.

Travel (England or Bust!).

Adoption.

Owning a home.

And the list goes ever on and on…

Shaping My Destiny

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  Reflections on Chapter Two- Decisions: The Pathway to Power

Today in “Awaken the Giant Within,” Tony Robbins talks about how decisions are the pathway to power, inner power, taking control of ones own life kind of power. And that starts by owning up to who you are and the decisions you are making. Life is meant to be lived, and we have the power within ourselves to shape our futures.

On pages 33, Robbins states, “the decisions that you’re making right now, everyday, will shape how you feel today as well as who you’re going to become in the future.” On a very basic level, to me, part of this is actually being kind to myself. Accepting my failures as lessons learned and growing from them instead of dwelling in victim-hood (or the land of lazy excuses, a not so far off land that I have spent far too much time visiting).

This had me asking myself: What do I want for myself? What do I want my next 10-15 years to look like? How do I get there? That last one is easy. You just start. You make a clear and conscious action decision and you chase those goals. There is a very large difference between being interested in something (“Oh, I’d like to learn how to write in calligraphy.”) and being committed to doing it (“I am going to learn how to write in calligraphy. There’s a class that meets once a month starting in February and I have signed up for it. In the off weeks between classes I will print off practice sheets and do everything in my power to master this skill in my time.”) Pretty big difference there, don’t you think? What is something that is on your “I’d like to do this eventually list!” that you can turn into “I’m going to take action and do this!”

Almost every time we’re face with the decision of powering through the hard times or giving up. This is not the time to give up or give in. No joke, I was the queen of giving up. I’d have temporary passions of all these things that I would like to do, and then I would do them for a day, a week, a month, and then they would suddenly disappear.

This was very destructive to me. Not only was I not following through with my commitments I made to myself, but I felt depressed and guilty for not being able to follow through with my supposed passions (like blogging, or writing in general). I kept telling myself that I wasn’t good enough and that there was no reason to continue. My standards for myself creatively were as low as one could go. Actually, my standard for myself was non-existent. I have ridiculously high standards for myself in a work environment or when other people are involved; however, when it was just me, I didn’t think much.

The first thing I had to do was set up a baseline standard for myself, you know what I was willing to actually accept in my life. Once I did that, it was actually harder for me to allow myself to fall back into laziness, or “slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve.” (Robbins, 35)

“I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.”

– Thomas Edison

I really enjoyed Robbins’ ‘Ultimate Success Formula’ (p. 38):

1) Decide what you want.

2) Take Action

3) Notice what’s working or not

4) Change your approach until you achieve what you want.

On page 39, Robbins writes, “The way to make better decisions is to make more of them.” His statement is self explanatory. Where I’m going to take this on a person level is that I will be conscious of all of decisions. It’s hard to admit, but I struggle to make decisions. I usually let someone else take the lead and I just go with the flow. That’s not very take the bull by the horns and control your own life of me.

The most common example (and I’m pretty sure everyone already knows this about me) is that I almost never decide what type of food to eat (ie: what restaurant). I am such a people-pleaser that I will just accept where they want to go and be done with it. I always thought that I just didn’t care what we were eating, but I’m wondering if I was more not choosing to make others happy (which is in fact a decision, just a weak one).

This is easier for me to commit to because I almost never go out to eat; however, when the occasion arises and asked where I want to go, I will make a decision. I will likely be willing to compromise if it’s a place the other person isn’t in the mood for… but there are only so many things that I can control.

The following is two decisions that I can make right now that are action driven:

1) I will blog regularly. This will be backed up by daily reading, writing, and coming up with post ideas. As one of my new year goals, I decided to write every day for 15 minutes (minimum).

2) I am choosing to participate in and successfully complete a 5k walk/run in 2019. This will be backed up by daily walking (minimum of 10 minutes per day), slowly jogging when my knee cooperates (made it two solid blocks a few days ago), and pushing myself to do my best everyday.

To discuss briefly my commitment to decision two, I did not want to walk today. It is not pleasant out. It is cold, and I was just dog tired. I was actively giving myself permission to “call in sick” from exercise. I wasn’t hurt (a little sore), and there was still plenty of time left in the day. (Come to think about it, I didn’t want to walk yesterday and only went ½ a mile and took 13 minutes to do it, but I did something.) I was discouraged (but not defeated) by yesterday, especially when I could feel myself giving up.

With some wonderful encouragement from my husband and a solid game plan, I grabbed my dog Kaylee and we headed out into the chilly night. She and I enjoyed the remaining Christmas lights that were still up and didn’t notice the cold with my hood up. Before I knew it, I had walked nearly 1.5 miles and it felt amazing.

I truly believe that these two decisions are going to actually change my life. And that is pretty damn exciting.

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

-Helen Keller

Giants Among Us

Reflections on chapter one.

With the start of the new year, I was reinvigorated into improving myself in all aspects of my life. This book was highly recommended by my wonderful husband, Steve, and I have finally set aside the time to read and study this particular book.

I plan on taking it pretty slow, a chapter a day, in the morning’s before work. I start work at 6am, which means I’m CHOOSING to get up between 5:00am and 5:15am every day to read.

I began Part One: Unleash Your Power by reading chapter one: Dreams of Destiny. Robbins spends most of this chapter introducing himself, outlining the purpose of the book, and giving readers a taste of what is to come and welcoming them into discovering themselves and their potential in a whole new way.

On page 19, Robbins talks about how his past frustrations and failures actually helped build the foundation for him to truly understand a different level of living he will enjoy. In a matter of a dozen years, he went from being a janitor to the man he is now. I don’t know a lot about him as a person or his journey, but from point A to B is impressive.

I’ve been focusing a lot on my goals, how to accomplish them, and what over the years has gotten in the way of me achieving these dreams. The most common answer I discovered? Me. Yes, you read me right, I get in my way.

Let me tell you a very short story. A few years back I missed a single day of blogging after three months of blogging every single day, and I let that one failure propel me into giving up completely for the remainder of the year stating, “well, maybe next year!” If you’re anything like me reading this now, it sounds pretty ridiculous.

How is this year different? I will forgive myself. If I miss a day (I don’t actually plan on blogging every single day), it’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. I just need to pick myself up and do it tomorrow. The same goes if I miss a day of walking or I have that craving for ice cream that overcame me.

On page 21, Robbins states to not “major in minor things.” What I got out of this is to set my standards high. To work for what I really want, and not settle on lesser because it is easier. I actually want my journey to be difficult. I want to feel struggle. I want to fight for my future.

To Robbins, “for changes to be of any true value, they’ve got to be lasting and consistent.” (23) I am currently in the stage of building many habits. Right now, it’s not about running for an hour (a task that sounds terrible to me), but about creating the discipline for the hard work to build on—to build my foundation. So for the month of January, my fitness goal is to walk for at least 10 minutes a day. Both days I have done this so far, I have exceeded the time limit. That 10 minute minimum is more for days when I don’t feel like walking at all (or the rain will not cease). The same goes for my daily writing goals of 15 minutes a day. In the greater scheme of things, but this foundation I am building now is meant to last, and I need to be consistent.

“You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough, you must take action!” -Tony Robbins, Awaken The Giant Within.

I know what to do, and I am executing it. I am taking each day new, letting failures and frustrations build my foundation for the life I want to live. This is a call to action, and I am answering the call.

Here’s to a better future, starting from within.

In the immortal words of Julie Andrews from The Sound of Music, “Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.”

For Real This Time

New Year, New Goals.

If I take into account how the past couple of years have gone, I have started out strong blogging, and then I would quickly give up. A lot of this is from fear. Fear of failing, fear of success, you name it, I was probably afraid most especially the fear of getting judged by others. (Duh, this is going to happen whether I write or not!)

The past is the past. My main goal this year is to only compare myself to who I was yesterday and to be just a little better than I was the day before. This is going to require a lot of failing (that doesn’t make me a failure though), more tears than I can count, and an endless amount of practice. That is the only way to improve. Despite what society says, you don’t just wake up one morning and are a master at whatever skill tickles your fancy.

My goals are pretty standard this year:

Financial: Finish getting out of debt (we’re in the home stretch). Continue to improve my budgeting skills.

Career: Research the profession I plan to get into, and begin studying. I will need official education eventually, which will be cash-flowed as we will not incur more debt.

Food: I hate the way I feel when I eat like crap, so I’m not going to eat like crap. Yes, I will have cheat meals. No, this is not a diet. No fads. No pills. No thrills. Also, to drink as much water as my body will take.

Exercise: Walk for at least 10 minutes every day. (this is my goal for January, and I plan on increasing/adjusting for every month throughout the year) Steve and I are going to England in either late 2019 or early 2020, and I want to have the stamina to walk through cities, and countryside, and up castles.

Self Care: Forgiving myself when I fail and not giving up. It’s not a matter of if I’ll fail at something, but when. I give myself permission to forgive myself, move on, and continue to chase my goals.

Marriage: Spend as much free time with my husband as possible, and to make sure that he always knows that I love and cherish him.

Creativity: There are a lot of layers here, so I will break it down:

Reading: I have set a Good Reads goal of reading 52 books this year, and have personally challenged myself to reach 100. I have strived (and failed) on a couple of other occasions; however, I have a clear and definite plan in place (and a support system to encourage me and light a fire under my ass when needed).

Writing: 15 minutes a day of creative writing. It doesn’t matter if it is a letter to a friend, free writing, journaling, blogging, writing poetry or prose.

Blogging: As I stated earlier, I have failed a lot here. I finally know what I want to talk about, now, it’s just a matter of execution. I got this, and you’ll be hearing from me a lot more often.

Trying New Things: Calligraphy, piano, learn excel, baking.

All in all, I want to improve myself in all aspects of my life (as most people do). I want to always strive to be better than I was the day before. I have a clear vision of my future, and I see the path to that future very clearly. There will be bumps in the road, but that makes this 2019 adventure so fun.

Are you ready for it? I sure am.

The In-Between

Friday’s are interesting for me. I have a half day at my main job working from 6am until 10am. After that, I have from 10am-6pm free and then I work job #2 from 6pm-11pm-ish. I have been struggling to make this middle eight hours productive. I repeatedly tell myself, “Well, I work two jobs this days, I can use this middle eight hours to goof off and do what I want,” however, I believe it is truly a wasted potential productivity time.

Do I believe I deserve time to just chill and relax? Absolutely. But how can I organize my time better to be more productive (even by half). For me, it’s setting daily goals. I always work on these the night before. I write a list of all of my must accomplishes (working which job and when, reminding myself to eat, etc), but I also include things that I would like to accomplish (dishes, reading x amount of pages in a certain text, laundry, etc).

When I complete a task and check that off of my list, it makes me feel good. Knowing that I’m accomplishing my goals, it provides a natural high.

Do I complete everything on the list everyday? Not even close. But the more I complete, the better I feel. It also gives my day focus in such a way that I want to accomplish these things. I could easily spend the day binge watching shows. That used to be me all of the time, and I no longer want that for my life.

Don’t get me wrong. I do binge watch. I do eat junk on occasion. I do all of the fun things. But I also get far more accomplished in a day than I used to.

Today’s in-between consisted a little more of a rejuvenation day. Working two jobs is tough, but it’s not impossible and I’m proving that. I worked through most of my reading for The Two Towers today, and I took a much needed nap. I was going to play computer games for the next hour before my final job of the day, but decided to write instead. (Yay me!)

Figure out what you want and then figure out how you can accomplish it. It’s amazing how much time we spend doing nothing. And it almost never makes us truly happy.

Happiness is my goal. Being debt free is my goal. Tapping into my true potential is my goal.

What’s yours?

 

 

Until next time,

Shut Up and Write

Okay. I don’t actually want to be here right now. I haven’t been writing regularly in several months and getting back into it is torture. I don’t know what to say, or if I truly have anything worth speaking about. What am I passionate about? What do I stand for? What do I believe in? These are all incredibly difficult questions that I simply do not have a complete answer to. So for now, I’m going to write freely about whatever is in my head, and hopefully over time I will discover a passion and a purpose for myself.

I don’t think I’m lost, I just haven’t truly found myself. I know to some that may seem like the same thing, but for me… it’s not.

Since I was a teenager, I would write poetry to express my emotions that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with the world. It has been few and far between that I have written poetry since those years, but I still appreciate it and hope to go back to it someday.

I’ve been working through an incredible reading challenge for 2018. My initial new years resolution was to read 24 books in 2018. I’m approaching 50 now, which is nearly to my second goal of 52 books this year. I have seriously impressed myself on this front and I feel as though I am a better reader and communicator because of it.

My friend Alice and I started the Badassery Book Club (BBC for short) earlier this year and we are currently working through the Lord of the Rings trilogy by J. R. R. Tolkien (Will finish book 3 of 6 next week) and the All Souls Trilogy by Deborah Harkness. We’re currently on book two, Shadow of Night. Okay, I’m on book two. Alice is waiting until I’m halfway through to begin her reading, because she reads much faster than I do! After these trilogies, we have another two part book pairing planned, and then I don’t know what else. We will decide once we get closer to the time.

My other New Years resolution is simply this, writing. I have faltered a lot this year, but happy to start getting back into writing, and blogging my thoughts. If you’ve made it this far, HI! You’re the best.

One other major things going on in life right now is that my husband Steve and I are working to pay off all of our debt (we have plans beyond that that include both Europe, and adoption children… in that order). We have both picked up second jobs outside of our full-time work. We’re delivering pizza three nights a week. It is harder than I imagined it would be.

I cannot begin to express how utterly tired I am all the time. ALL. THE. TIME!

 

Kaylee (dog) and Inara (cat) get along great. Inara will be a year next month and in November, Kaylee will be two. Having animals has been challenging and so emotionally rewarding. I’m excited for the mini-humans next!

 

 

Until next time,

 

PS. I’ve totally started watching Doctor Who (for the first time in my life)!

Productivity, Priorities, and Passion

I plan most of my days (the night before) with lists of tasks to accomplish and goals to meet. I am full of good intentions until it is time to wake up and get going. Does anyone else have mornings like this? Days? Weeks? Months? I’ll stop there for both our sake’s. I have spiral notebooks that have countless daily tasks to complete and there are usually only one or two things crossed off as accomplished.

I have been asking myself recently “How can I be more productive in my day?”. It has been a challenge to figure out. I of course started out in denial and full of excuses:

I get up early everyday and go to the gym. I have assigned workouts for six of the seven days of the week. After the gym, I shower and start work. I’m working for nine and a half hours. I’m exhausted just thinking about that. I usually follow work up with tidying up the kitchen in the few minutes before my husband gets home from work. By the time dinner (and dishes again) is finished it is nearly time to get ready and go to sleep. Where is my free time? Where is my stress relief? Where is my relaxing time to read? And what about your writing aspirations? Are you too tired or had too long of a day to do anything about it?

I would almost always push my writing to the side with the excuse that I just don’t have the time. I am too tired from work to do more work. I’ll write tomorrow. I’ll write this weekend. I really would like to write a novel someday. That was a nice dream I had once. WHOA! Stop right there. That is a path I can not walk down any longer.

Writing is what I love. I’m not the greatest at it. I could probably use a full time editor for everything I write, but the passion is still there. The only way I’m going to get better is by actually practicing my craft. This not only includes the act of writing, but reading about writing, and listening to others talk about writing.

Somewhere along the way I think most of us got lost. When did work become a drag? A means to an end to survive? Work should be engaging, inspiring, and we should have clear goals and a path to take us in the right direction. Let’s be honest, no one is going to hold your hand and guide you through your passions. You need to carve your own path. It’s all about the blood, sweat, and tears to go from where you are now to where you want to be.

Here is what I have learned and plan on implementing into my daily life:

1) Writing is my passion. When I “work” on my craft, I do it because I want to. No one is paying me (yet, hopefully…) to put the time and energy into this aspect of my life. I am doing this for me and no one else.

2) Set clear and manageable daily goals.

3) Organize said goals in a priority list. What is most important to me to accomplish? Do that first. If I’m only going to accomplish one or two things on my list for the day, they need to matter and have meaning.

4) Stop making excuses. Everyone is tired. Everyone works hard. I am pushing myself because my passion demands it, and I DESERVE it.

5) Stop and enjoy the moment. Relish a little in the accomplishments of your day/week/month/year. Celebrate the big things and the small. You are chasing your dream. That is a big deal.

6) Forgive yourself. Most days won’t go as planned. You won’t accomplish nearly as much as you had originally wanted to. Some days, just getting out of bed is an accomplishment. You will fall. You will fail. It’s a part of life and it just happens. Forgive yourself when they do, and get up and keep trying. You are worth it.

7) Have fun. Challenge yourself. You’re making history. Enjoy.

What are your passions? What are you doing to achieve your dreams?